Out on the Edge
by edwart
Summary: Bella's cliff diving incident plays out a little differently to the way she had planned it to. "I was already on my deathbed, all that was left was to begin my sleep." One shot.
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

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I don't know if you can change things, but it's a drop in the ocean.

- _Julie Walters_


	2. The Edge

BPOV

I wind enveloped me, tightening around me as if to keep me still, to hold me there.

I was already gone.

The inky water below did not intimidate me the way I expected it to, instead welcoming me, coaxing me forward. I pressed the toe of my shoe against the back on the other, pushing it out and off my foot. I repeated the action and stood, my toes instinctively curled against the flat rock of the cliff's edge. I leaned my body back, arching my stomach forward to feel the wind move more fiercely through my skin. My cotton top held no warmth, and I felt my skin tingle, the miniscule hairs raising on my arms.

_Bella. No._

I smirked, knowing that he would show up; that he'd make an appearance soon enough. I wasn't sure if this was about him anymore, or if it was about me. Need. Almost painful need. My body had been so void of adrenaline as of late, that I needed to _feel_. I needed that rush, too feel my blood almost ice up and my heart pumped furiously to keep my body satiated.

"What do you want, why are you here?" I whispered to my opaque Edward, as he stood behind me.

_I'm here to stop you._

"Good luck."

I felt a breeze on the back of my neck, reminding me of Edward's breath; the way it tickled my bare skin. I stretched my arms out idly, twisting them slightly to see the light drops of rain begin to saturate my skin. I was even paler now.

If I fell right now, what would happen?

Easy, serene, calm and peaceful bliss? Or the total mirror opposite; pain, harsh, horrific death. Perhaps I should have worried when I realised that both sounded the same to me. Love was pain, death was life. A different kind of life. Perhaps reincarnation was real, perhaps I would return to this earth. Perhaps I would return to another.

I lowered my arms back to my sides - they were saturated; water dripped down my body, gliding down with ease following the contours of my skin over bone frame.

I was frail now, pale now. I was already on my deathbed, all that was left was to begin my sleep.

Would he feel sorrow? Would he feel pain?

Perhaps both, perhaps neither. I could not decide which I wished for him. Moving closer to the edge, I perched myself at the very tip of the cliff, cutting the skin of my largest tow on the sharp point of a rock. The blood stained the mossy floor, painting a picture. It was not a happy picture.

_Bella please, you don't want to do this. This is scary - you hate this. Stop it now._

No, but I _had _to. This was an essential feat: if I didn't jump, I would feel no rush, I would feel nothing again.

_Bella, it's not worth it._

Don't you see? It's the _only_ thing worth _anything _anymore. I flexed my fingers, feeling the coldness of the downpour run down the bones of my metacarpals. I was exhausted - physically my muscles ached with even the slightest movement. But I could still do this, after all falling was easy. It was effortless and beautiful.

I would fall and the waves would catch me, wherever they took me was their choice - I was just a small leaf on a towering tree, a pinch of salt in the entire ocean. I now belonged to the water.

I prepped myself again, moving back to the very edge, looking down at my destiny, smiling at it lovingly.

_You won't do it. You know it's wrong, you know you shouldn't. You won't jump, you won't fall, Bella. It's not in you. I know you. You won't._

But you don't know me! My thoughts were angry, fiercely defensive. How could he still hold power of me, how could he still hold influence over me, when he wasn't even here in the flesh; he was here in the mind, the spirit.

And he still won.

I sobbed: a strange ripping noise escaping my numb lips. I fell backward, the hard ground causing incisions, slices in the skin of my palms. I rushed backward, moving through Edward's ghost-like figure. I watched as he turned around, but made no move to come closer. I continued to retreat until I felt the rough bark of a tree scrape my poorly cover back.

_Bella, go home. _

I shivered: I shook violently, my entire frame vibrated under the pressure of the shock. What had I almost done?

I somehow raised myself up, still sobbing, and pulled my jacket back on. The added weight did nothing to help with the coldness. I stumbled my way through the woods, shoving thick branches as I made my own passage through.

His presence was still with me, clinging to me. I whipped my head around and he was there. He was everywhere, he was everything.

"Please leave me alone," I whispered miserably. "Just for a little while. Please."

I felt as if I were being haunted by the spirit of someone I'd once killed. How sickeningly ironic it was, that he was the one who had taken _my_ life.

I watched as Edward dissolved into the air, like a fog that finally lifted. Perhaps he wouldn't ever return; both versions of him, the real and the imaginary. Perhaps I would be forever in solitude, perhaps _that _was my real destiny, the inky water forgotten.

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Thoughts? (:


End file.
